2012 is coming to an end…and as usual the starting/ending of a year means hearing news about the passing of people in my life. I get in my emo mode whenever I hear about the passing of someone I used know. It just put things back into perspective for me…my life, the people I know, the ones I love. I question my priorities in life when I hear news like that and I never will know how to react appropriately to those news.
2012 is a year of crazy ups and downs, life is really a bitch like what they say. It has its sweet and loving moments but there were times where I got into the worst situations only to be faced with a “Bitch please, you think that’s all you’re gonna get? Wait till you see what’s next” slapped in my face. I’ve learnt so much this year in all areas and I’m bringing all that I’ve learnt in my transition to adulthood.
I’ve always believed that I am where I am to make a difference and with that in mind, I would as much as I can to make that difference significant in all I do, wherever I do it.
Had to take a crash course to survive – discouragement, disappointment, frustration, depression, loneliness – these few guys were living rent free in my head for months for longer than expected. During the troubled times, I was tested, many times and it was tough. My cake batter foamed and fluffed but sunk very quickly, yet I had no choice but to buck up and finish baking the cake. I I learnt things I never did about the people around me – most things encouraging even though there were some things that I was disappointed to know. I’m very thankful I have God to count on especially in those crazy moments, I know what I went through has helped shape me to become a stronger person.
Flashback of some tips in life I’ve picked up in the past few months (just for the sake of keeping track of my life)
*Flash* It is necessary to stand up and fight for yourself because you’re the only one who could and would do that.
*Flash* Being nice may sometimes be seen as being weak and so it’s important to follow the rules, play by the book and accept what comes your way.
*Flash* Being loud(er) doesn’t mean you’re right and hearing nothing doesn’t mean your wrongs are not echoing all over the room.
*Flash* Self pity is absolutely irritating and should be avoided/ignored at all cause.
*Flash* Being focused on what matters most is more important – filter and roll, rinse and repeat.
*Flash* Snakes are on the plane, in your garden, on the loose. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
*Flash* Set goals that are achievable not just to achieve them but to surpass them.
*Flash* Be neutral = mediocre, be extreme = surprise yourself, blow your mind.
*Flash* Not one person is truly replaceable, every single person brings different values to an experience. Never take anyone in your life for granted.
*Flash* Fixing starts from within. Before all things, love and work on yourself first.
This is something I saw from Rihanna’s Instagram that I wholeheartedly agree. I may not agree with her image as a personality but this line got me writing pass my 3rd sentence in this blog post.
In all its good and horrible times, I’m thankful for 2012. I really am. I’m happy I’m alive, I have a great family, an amazing guy who loves me for who I am, really awesome friends and a lot to look forward to in life.
I’ve abandoned this space for some time, there are so many things that I have yet to blog about. So many awesome events I’ve been to, parties I enjoyed and thoughts I have but none of them expressed here in this space. For that, I am very VERY emo at myself.
What happens when I read this space in a few years time and I can’t recall anything that’s happened in 2010? 2010 is about to end in just a few hours and I’m letting the last moments on this year slip away with unfinished business.
When will unfinished business ever be finished, over and done with? *drags*
Alright, enough of this emo shit. Gonna try inverting that frown now.
I was about to hit “Play” on Windows Media Player to watch this supposedly sexy movie according to Chubs and Angie.
Then I decided Nahhh! I should save the movie for another time. Some other time when I’m not having this much huuhaa going on up in the head. I’m sure I’d be able to better enjoy that movie when I’m all carefree and this clogged up with thoughts. So instead of watching that movie, I decided on doing something more entertaining (according to my dictionary) which then lead me to this page, typing this. ThiS. and ALL THESE. I was reading my old entries and I felt the need to inject something more personal into this space because this space is starting to feel a little foreign to me. I used to just log into to blogger and start yakking away including a lot of awful colors in my text but wordpress just feels so prim and proper I can’t seem to go yankeedoodle on my blog! So yes, I’ve decided to blog in my usual stream of thought kinda way that I used to a lot back in the past. *peace*
Blogging this way just feels more liberating but can be a pain to whoever’s reading because of my bad English, grammar, lack of punctuation and more abrupt endings. But I just have to let this (insert horrible object ) out in a way that doesn’t seem like it’s being let out too obviously, you know here at my blog the usual style has always been the subtle, vague emo blog posts disguised as a graphic or some horribly written paragraphs.
I feel like I need a vacuum cleaner to suck em all out, assuming these thoughts are in the form of little particles of dust. Once I get them all out, I’ll be needing to arrange them all in little bottles, which I would then place in little compartments far back in my head, like wayyy back in the store room at the attic with 5 locks kinda far back. These thoughts, I want placed so deep that only my shrink would be the only person who is allowed to discover them upon hypnotizing me. It will be my darkest secrets, my regrets in life, my worries, my confessions and most importantly my drafted out blog posts that never got published because I didn’t want people reading them. All of you and you, guilt.
All of you sift yourselves into your categories straight into the bottles and roll yourselves into that store room. Go away for now and leave me alone. Meet my shrink (possibly someone I used to study with) later in my life. kthkbai.